Downhill Drone Collisions And The Flirty 4th Wall

You’re starting to notice the cameras more often. Aren’t you?

I sure am. For a while now I’ve noticed the subtle creep of the camera man into the screens we’re all glued to. When you watch old news coverage and sports, you almost never see cameras. They are too important to let out from the other side of the fourth wall. Or at least they were. Some time in the early 2010’s this began to change. I suspect it was because of the iPhone Or Casey Neistat. But I'll never be able to prove that. What I will be able to do is show you that you are seeing more and more cameras and to ask you why you think that is.

First we’ll go to the Olympics where what used to be fixed cameras mounted up the super G course, have been supplemented with dynamic drone footage of the same super G skiers now followed from behind. And it’s not just the Super G which is fast and would warrant a nimble drone to capture the moment. The slower slalom had them too. A race filled with obstacles for the skier to avoid. This year featuring a man sized drone that fell from the sky and almost hit the skier. Before hand that camera angle, if used at all, would have had to have been captured by a cameraman on a helicopter. Because you can’t dynamically follow a skier down a hill from 30 ft above without one. But that would have been obstructively much. As no skier is spending the money necessary to have a helo follow them down the training slopes. So they learn to adjust for the noise, down draft, and possibility of a crash. But make that copter smaller and quad it, and you can interrupt the sports event with another display of the failure of tech being dismissed.

Or how about the world baseball championships. I caught a bit of the Italy Mexico game along with a 5 second crotch shot of some poor film student trying to capture the same kind of sports moments with his gimbal. Only to have none of his footage end up on the main feed of the broadcast, but plenty of footage of his unathletic stumble run end up there. I got so see him run onto the field between hits to dutifully do his job and add nothing to the spirit of baseball.

Don’t worry, we can bring this home before we mention porn. How many baptisms have your church’s creative art's director in them these days. Not in the tank, doing the baptising. But holding a camera to capture the moment and serve as the background for any give photo of your family members coming into the body of Christ. Or grazing your thigh as he crouches during worship. To make sure the bots that follow your church’s Instagram page know God is worshiped in this place.

The only place you won't see this creep of the cameras. These cracks in the fourth wall, is porn. That’s because those particular wizards and witches carefully curate the men behind the curtain. They can’t afford you to pay attention to them, Dorothy. Because their magic actually works. Everyone else is just chasing the awe and wonder of what that magic does when there’s no tits to cast that spell. The dynamic view of the helicopter was replaced by the drone, because of cost. The same way expensive DVD production and magazines became websites and streaming services. And once everyone was able to buy drones to do those dynamic shots, the alure of them lost it’s kick. The same way an actress can lose her youthful looks and get relegated to a different niche and category of the website. If barely legal sells, then the talent must be barely legal. If the shot requires a daring pilot, it will seem lame when a nerd does it with a drone. It’s still awesome and spectacular when that helicopter crashes. Because we all sinfully love destruction, but when a drone that is 100x smaller crashes we feel the same disgust as we would seeing an ugly person strip tease us online. The very same.

All these oopsies of cameras being where they shouldn’t betray the nature of the desire to play this particular game of bigger and better. There is no need for baptisms to be Instagram'd. Unless you have a desire to be on Instagram for Instagram's purposes. The same way men and women flaunt their body on Instagram for the same views and the same cultural validation.

The cameras you are noticing are the tail end of being too affected by a sinful culture, to know better. Normalized voyeurism that stared when sports were merely not shown in the best angle to see all their players. The closeups are there for a reason. So is the BTS stuff. It’s all because that feeling of doing the thing while not, was orgasmically programed into a culture that never does things IRL anymore.

The best hockey you ever watch will be in a rink with no cameras. The best skiing you’ll ever see will be when you are also wearing skis. The best sex you will ever have is with the wife of your youth.

All else is just bell curve production value.

The Factory Farming Of Big Eva Christians

An anonymous friend sent me a text out of the blue and honour requires that they remain that way. Anonymous that is. In that text was a link to a MIT tech review article, by Alex Ashely, on the use of data collection and surveillance in the church. Specifically by the flourishing para-church organization Gloo.com . Since he isn’t in a place to say what needs to be said. He called on some mercenary theology from The Layman’s Terms. To which I was happy to jump into the fray.

The article is good. It’s behind a paywall, though, where you are more than welcome to tithe to read. It’s a good piece so go support the author here.

On to the red meat.

What Alex hits, like a kid trying to find out if their hornets in a seemingly quiet nest, is a multi-million dollar organization that is trying its best to mix discipleship with data. And it’s doing so in the stated end to be a faith ecosystem that helps churches. The question this raises is along the lines of means and their justifiable ends. Gloo seems to be trying to find a way forward for any and every church to be more effective and capable at doing things that churches do. It’s trying to do a mighty work in the name of Jesus. Or at the very least in the name of who ever the star of the He Get’s Us campaign was. But more on that later.

Alex goes on to detail the means of which Gloo and other like minded companies have begun to use on the church and it’s congregations to facilitate a deeper knowledge of the people of those congregations. Everything from biometric scans and facial recognition systems to targeted ads and on site secure digital profiles of the people the fill the pews. That twinge of cringe that you felt just now, or hopefully felt right now, is a good thing. It is a lesser form of discernment but for the second time in this article; a seed if you will, there will be more on that later.

However you feel or think about big data and the modern world of digital surveillance and data collection, one thing can’t be argued with. That data exists. If your church is filled with a myriad of people the details of that myriad are just as prevalent as their attendance and can’t exactly be separated from the people in abstract. You will a certain number of marrieds’. A certain number of singles. A smattering of blacks and whites. A dash of broken and a hint of bent. Data of these detail is a precursor to knowledge because it needs to exist prior to noticing it exists or doing anything about it. Which it why it puffs up those who seek it.

“Now as touching things offered unto idols, we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.”

1 Corinthians 8:1 KJV

That may seem like an odd Bible verse to relate to the intent and execution of church based data harvesting. But stick with me, we’re headed somewhere good, I promise. Only one person has complete data on anything that exists without the things themselves existing. But again, more on that later.

When we look at what data collection is, at it’s heart, we find a desire for control. Most endeavours boil down to control when you keep them on the stove long enough. And that’s not a bad thing, inherently. Knowing how muscles work and what they need to grow is not a bad thing. Because being in control of your body is a good thing (1 Corinthians 9:27). Until, that is, the mechanisms for making the muscles grow are driven to an extreme to the detriment of other parts of the body. A jacked bodybuilder may have started lifting weights and regulating his diet, in the hopes of becoming more attractive, through being in control of his body. But if the steroids he’s taking turn his skin to a cratering acne field, is he really more attractive? Is he really in control?

The same would go for crops. I have a love for the green beans my wife grows in our garden. And know that a regular regiment of water and sun, alongside yearly composted soil changes, gets those beans to the table. But if taken to the same extremes where, toward the end of a good bean harvest, my potatoes and cucumbers were neglected, or even kept from growing to avoid using resources that could be used for beans, then all I'm left with is beans. No garden and no meal. As full of protein as beans could ever be. Even the body builder would find that an exclusive diet of them, stinks.

Big data in the church presents the same kind of opportunities to the leadership of it as the love of beans and bigger muscles do to the body builder. The church will always want to fulfill it mission to know Christ and to make Christ known, and in that endeavor it will want sharp tools for the work of sharp tools, and knowledge of the things they need to know to do that work. But when we begin to seek knowledge as the crop instead of or at the expense of the souls that knowledge is about, what we end up doing is more akin to pesticides and steroids than we’re likely ready to admit. Because as good as we get at farming or working out, are we truly ever masters of our body and our world?

“Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.”

Luke 12:27 KJV

What the pursuit and collection of big church data exposes, is a functional ignorance to what the church is and how it can and has operated in history. It seeks to give the managers of those churches tools for work that may in fact not be work for the church to do at all. By the means of those tools at all. The same way a factory farm of nothing but beans, misses the point of what a garden does for humans, even what an ecosystem is when not focused on any singular part of it. When placed in submission to actual perfect knowledge, of any given plant that grows, the gardener works hard and sees fruit for his labors. But knows that fruit doesn't come from the beans but from the person who knows, perfectly, how every plant works and in addition to that knowledge, blesses him with a good harvest. And what’s more, That person does not need the means of that gardener's acquired knowledge of gardening to do so. That person is God and he can make beans from nothing. Which is a problem for people who want to do things as the means of any kind of validation. Because an obsession with progress and process is only ever humbled by divine power to do more with infinitely less.

A pastor may want to preach so good he sparks a revival, but he will never be the spark of the revival, will he? The Holy Spirit will be. We want to believe that the world we live in is under our control. When it’s really just under our dominion. A subtle distinction but an important one. The real control rests in the hands of someone who doesn’t need data to align with our strategy or means, even though it can at times. He simply does things, and they are done. And that person did not leave the church in a place to use data collection as the means for church growth and health. As a means for validation. He actually did quite the opposite.

“But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ. Wherefore he saith, When he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men. (Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the lower parts of the earth? He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things.) And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:”

Ephesians 4:7-12 KJV

Wanting to be a good preacher, who speaks to the needs of his congregation is a noble desire. And tabulating those needs by scouring the internet histories of that congregation is not the same thing as knowing those needs. No are you ministering to the needs of hungry widows by tracking the relationship status of your female congregants. A good pastor knows that a man who suddenly drops out of small groups but his wife still attends, means something is up. And that’s not because he matched the historical data of his group attendance to the psychosocial data of counseling trends in his area. Or found a way to find out how many parishioners were on Tinder. It’s because he would be convicted that one of his sheep needed something. That conviction comes from the same person making beans and muscles from scratch, and is the basis for how the church actually grows. Not just how it can show itself to be growing. A monoculture of beans as far as the eye can see is not good and is know to be so by people who know God created all things to be good but also created all things together. He did not separate his creations of humans and beans. Even fruits of knowledge of good and evil from each other, but put them into relationship and proximity according to his perfect will.

That’s how the church is supposed to be run. On which and who it’s supposed to be run. A relationship of people in a relationship with God. Like fuel for the tractor and pre workout for the gym bro, it’s how it’s supposed to be effective. Though the Holy Spirit. Not through means adjacent to Him. because things adjacent to the faith are a very dangerous thing when not duly considered alongside their implications.

“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.”

Matthew 7:15-23 KJV

It’s here that we get the first hints that evil fruit persists in the mix at Gloo. Because comparison is the thief of Joy for a reason and the glee of Gloo’s data collection has very few comparisons. But Alex captures one perfectly. Salesforce. Salesforce is as mercenary with its data harvesting as I am with my theological hot takes, and in that they almost perfectly set the tone for Gloo to mirror as Alex so aptly pointed out. No one likes how persistent and invasive the data Salesforce draws for it’s services is. But no one can argue that if taste and morals are optional how valuable the data drawn by those means is to those who would use it. It’s hard to look at forbidden fruit lightly after you’re told it’s the key to godliness. Or at least god likeness. If the end result is sales then who cares how you found your customers. In a sense an evangelistic endeavor by those same motivations would be seen as noble. By all means save some, just like Paul right.

Well, not really. And here’s why.

It’s one thing to recognize a thing as associated with what is essentially the by-product of evil. No one being honest with their faith and walk with Christ wants there to be meat sacrificed to idols, but no one being honest with reality would say meat tastes bad simply because it was sacrificed to idols. The issue arises when a weak brother enters the picture and the average Christian in the mega church pew isn’t exactly strong. If we’re being honest.

“But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumblingblock to them that are weak.”

1 Corinthians 8:9

Those weaker brothers are having their weaknesses tabulated so the church can best feed them according to dietary needs of the mean. Not the individual. This isn’t big data allowing a pastor to know exactly how to speak to a specific person in their congregation about a specific sin. Or trouble that the Lord has instruction about. This is big data letting the pastor know that a sermon on homosexuality would land poorly on a 36% pro Obergefell congregation with another 45% neutral on the issue. The math doesn’t add up here so have the Values based A.I. rework some Osteen and update the weekly newsletter accordingly. This is big data being the ethereal inclination of what to do and when to do it, instead of conviction and discernment. Because as I’ve said numerous times before in other blog posts. Tech is the replacement of the Holy Spirit when given the leeway to act like it. That’s where conviction and discernment come from alongside the gifts and positions that make up the church body.

“And when he is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment:”

John 16:8 KJV

“To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another divers kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues:”

1 Corinthians 12:10 KJV

What big data, like A.I. and every other tech before after and around it, seeks to do, is replace God. Whether they know it or not. The warning given to us by Christ was not a gotcha moment for actual Christians who managed to exercise demons and perform miracles but didn’t say his name right. It was a vivid image of people so convinced they were doing the Lord's work that they forgot to involve the Lord. Namely his Spirit. And when he was absent, tarried not into prayer to seek his will, but meandered into tech which gave them relevant search results and analytics.

We’ve seen this kind of thing happen before. And while there are subtle differences, the framework is still there. When the people of God were stuck and in need of direction and insight of what to do next. Of where to go. They had the opportunity to embody the spiritual gifts of patience and discernment but opted for results and entertainment. Things you generally get on demand if have them means to pay for it.

It was Aaron, their priest, who made a golden calf and said it was what Yahweh did. A leader who knew that an invisible God granted power, influence, and success. A leader who knew that they had left a land of idols and false gods to worship freely in the desert. On their way to the promised land. And in all his bending's to peer pressure and idolatry, at least his idol couldn’t speak.

Well, Big data does, and so does A.I. And Gloo does both, apparently.

And a church that want’s to stay faithful needs to be wise enough to know when things that aren’t God stand in for God in their work for him. Where gold meant to make them rich at the expense of their captors is being used to impoverish their souls like they were still captive. Israel left Egypt with all the means to build the same golden altars they would eventually build for their God. And chose instead to build a false god in the name of their desire for power and progress. No technological progress or process is better than dependence on the Holy Spirit in ministry. Is better than obedience to God’s will and timing. So any progress and process should be as shackled to the work of Christ on the cross and the slaves we are claim to be in his name. Not just labeled as such. Because a pastor who cannot discern what to preach without data that verifies themes or an A.I. to wordsmith on his behalf, is not struggling and in need of tools, but disqualified from the ministry he still presides over.

“A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;”

Timothy 3:2 KJV

Wisdom in ministry is knowing the difference between vigilance and espionage. Between good behaviour and the kind that sneaks around behind people to find out where they go. It is knowing that there is a difference between a man with 10000 books in a hardwood paneled library he’s never read, and a man who knows his Bible so well he need not read it daily like he still does. Between a man who can preach a only because the Ghost has him by the throat and a pastor who knows what will pass as a sermon these days, and what’s just a TED Talk.

There are alternatives to the power of big data in the church. But what they look like is deep data on, in, and around the work of the Holy Spirit. PulpitAI comes to mind. One of the few companies that want to do this song and dance backwards. When a pastor uses those kind of tools as the soil of his mustard seeds, and not the pesticide of his bean crop, Then and only then is he in a place to do his most effective work. Because they are no longer trying to grow the crop. Their trying to harvest as much as they can from it.

A thousand sermons based of the raw data of a church's demographics, mean nothing if the sermons were nothing more than word associations with the details of our lives. But a single sermon, preached from the scriptures, at the beckoned call of the Holy Spirit of the preacher, about a need he can’t humanly verify with data, but needs he has received via a word of knowledge from a Saviour, that knows every struggle His humans ever had, that sermon can do real numbers in the church. That kind of sermon can be drawn from and multiplied after, with any and every technology and process you could imagine. Because it does not draw it’s power from earthly means. It’s not going to get outdated by how many pixels your video of it can be upscaled into. It’s not going to have keywords only relevant to millennials and zoomers.

You know this to be the truth, because you’ve likely heard a testimony like this and have seen the actual power of God to change a life’s direction, and make a believer out of someone who was not. Was it the daily devotional newsletters in their inbox that secured that soul? Was it the perfectly researched social programs of their nearest mega church? Was it the sermon that had the right amount of jokes, stories, paraphrased scripture from the Message and clips from the Chosen. Or was it the power of a soul submitting to Christ and a God saying “This one’s mine!” With all the authority and reach of a hand that could split the sea. Big data and tech like it, might be able to claim to do what God has already done, but it can’t provide any more value than what a willing sinner would give to get in bed with other sinners. Real power leads people to greater ends. It does not follow people around to speak pointedly about their whereabouts. It calls a people out of their captivity and provides a way to be faithful in that leaving. It does not find what can be useful in their bondage as a means to generate content for their consumption.

Big data, and A.I. like it, will never be more than a golden cow claiming to be as relevant and real as a pillar of fire, large enough to lead a nation. An idol ready and waiting to be ground down for good medicine and discipline on route to a better way of worship.

“And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.”

Exodus 32:20 KJV

My Personal Beefs With Theological Education

Pastors will hear guys like Vaynerchuk and Jobs tell you to not go to college and instead do “XYZ”. They’ll even back it up with success to prove it. And somewhere between the gusto and the grace those same pastors will exclude the modern seminary as if its bullshit doesn’t stink all the same. As if to beg the question of the value of guys like Vaynerchuk and Jobs dropping out from their secular college, if we hold our Christian colleges in a similar high place.

Why does this matter? Well. Why is the baseline requirement for Pastoral positions an M.Div. Because I’ve seen accurate Greek scholars and experts in New Testament history get M.Div.’s and rainbow stole wearing gender study majors have them as well. Which is a problem because both with lean hard on that flimsy paper to exhort the other to repentance. Though to be fair, I think the one might have a stronger position to do so from.

But that’s only the icing on the theological education crap cake.

Centuries ago, a religious and theological education would get you the technological equivalent of a free Logos subscription, sans search function. And while I’d be remised to not say it’s much better to know your Bible than to know how to search in your Bible. The equivalency is still there. Modern theological education likes to boast of technological prowess but never actually does anything with the name of Gutenberg, after they’ve stolen it for their clout. We could make seminary free for the church. Or as free as ad revenue would let us. But are we? No. It’s way to institutionally valuable to have alma maters that perpetually ask for funding from its alumni, then to move education online through the decades old practice of online video and the half century old technology of electronic mail. But no. The liberal elites all have dorm rooms and cafeterias and quads to study on, So we must too.

Eventually we need to sit down, methodically, and look at the world we mimic as if that mimicry had consequences and begin asking some very hard comparison questions. Ones like “We all know why we don’t hire liberal arts students from the secular schools. So, why are we so cool with hiring them from the Christian schools? They’re still liberal arts students.” I’m sure the seminaries stop where the transferable credits end. Right? I mean if one school with 120 credit hours produces blockheads with degrees and no common sense or biblical obedience, then we must, by necessity, know that our program that is modeled after them, in almost every fashion, will give us different results and stalwart alumni in the faith afterward.

Guy’s like Musk can say things like “We don’t hire college grads.” But there is a transferable and comparable amount of demonstrated skill in his fields. You can do the work of a programmer on your own demonstrably. You don’t need an institution to say your code works, Your code will show if it works or not. We don’t have that in ministry. We can have fruit from good ministers and things that can be fruit flavoured from ministers who work at big enough churches. Who cares if you have 400 kids in your youth group. Are their 40000 youth within driving distance to your church? That’s not success, that’s demographic percentages. And those demographics are not affected by how many MDiv’s are on staff at the mega church. Even though the Mega church’s hiring standards would suggest so.

But eventually these hums and haws land us in the age of the internet and the dual natured problem of online credentials and online reach shows up. It’s all well and good if a guy at a mega church with an Mdiv. has a popular blog where he flexes his theological muscle a bit. But when the drywaller with a penchant for reformed thought, puts out twice as much content, and garners twice as much a following. What do we do with his lack of a MDiv. ? We can’t just let him do that and hold that kind of persuasion and content generation, as equally valid as writing papers, and doing research on campus, through the internet to sources off campus, can we? The problem with Christians, especially credentialed ones, being online and participating in online discourse, is that this is functionally what is done offline in their houses of credentialing. Or is the theology the drywaller has to contextualize to the painters on his heels somehow made invalid because the right kind of people having followed his twitter account?

Back in 2020 we shut every church down as if it were universal good, moving every bit of our Christian practice onto online platforms with some of the worst theology to date. Theology, I might add, pertains to none of the practices that are currently being done in Christian higher education. There is not mandate, in scripture, to gather weekly for gospels 101 and contemporary worship screen management 302 classes. Yet during the same pandemic that closed the doors to the churches, the colleges asked that students return to their dorms and attend online classes from there.

Why?

Because the institutions needed to stay afloat in the midst of a flood of online engagement that the pandemic brought. And unlike the churches, they need to provide a return on the students tuition. The credentials.

Ask yourself. Are credentials as important as important than online church services? Well they must be. We closed the door of the church and invented new ways to do the Eucharist over Zoom, but heaven forbid our senior pastor not have an actual diploma on the wall of his office. Would a jpeg work so long as he could share it to the entire email prayer chain. Or would he have to commit to helping the Boomers convert it to a PDF.

Here’s my theory.

At the back end of 100 theology books read, 100 sermons/papers written, and 100 hours of bible reading at a grade 12 level. You’ll have everything but the Greek and Hebrew that a modern BA in Theology could muster out of you. Sans, dorm life, cafeteria food and annoying classmates telling girls in the student lounge that God wants them to get a ring by spring. And that Greek and Hebrew can be learned, for free, on YouTube.

Say not ye, There are yet four months, and then cometh harvest? behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest. And he that reapeth receiveth wages, and gathereth fruit unto life eternal: that both he that soweth and he that reapeth may rejoice together.

John 4:35-38 KJV

The Current 5G Hostage Situation

Cell phones often get marketed as a great collector of other technologies. Because no one wants to use them as just a phone. Not when there's cameras, a GPS, and calculators and all the other things that you couldn’t hold in one backpack, let alone the front pocket of your jeans. But what hasn’t happen, though appearing to be so, is the culmination of all these devices into one device. What we didn’t get was a pocket sized thing that was a calculator and a GPS and a calendar and the internet to boot. What we got was a hostage situation of all these things at the hands of the device.

It may not look like that now because of the slow and steady adjustment to our confines, but make no mistake. To try to live in a world without a smart phone, these days, is next to impossible. That’s why there is a market to a Smartphone's ubiquity as well as a corresponding market to give it up entirely. But that’s not actually what the hostage wants. What he wants is to be able to use a calculator without having to answer phone calls anywhere on the planet. He wants to use a calendar without social media dooming his scroll. And what he really doesn’t want, if we’re being honest, is a dumb phone instead and a backpack full of gear to replace the smart phone.

And when you tally the wants you see that really he just wants a smart phone he controls.

Ah. There it is. The control of a hostage situation is bound up in the people they bind up in order to make the demands before releasing the hostages. Yeah, a gun helps. But there’s no way Apple and Samsung are working on that app. They’re not that dumb. So, they stick to whatever digital rope and data plans necessary to keep society locked into the use of a smart phone. At least until the Stockholm syndrome sets in. But when we play this out as to how the smartphone keeps its hostages bound we find out that it’s rope is nothing more than a second hand conveniences. Why have your own road atlas when you can have google maps that the entire public has access to? There's no good answer to this singular question, that would get you packing paper instead of an app. Except that when you ask that question about everything a smartphone sticks into the cloud or app store, the fibers coalesce and all of a sudden, you have a rope around you and a gun to your head.

“Give me the money and no one gets hurt.”

How did that happen I was just trying to do my online banking? Why am I lost I was following the online map? Why did I get hacked I thought I had online security? Well, honey, you “had” none of this stuff. You actually only had being had. And the only way out is seizing a kind of control that can seem as impossible as a civilian wresting the gun away from the bad guys, so that they can free the hostages. Looks so easy on any given Netflix special till you take a jujitsu class and find out digital can’t hold a candle to a rear naked choke.

All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

1 Corinthians 6:12 KJV

Right now, smartphones hold a powerful hold on the population but not a moral one. And while they have been mostly peaceful to their owners, there's still the threat of what they’ll do to us if they ever needed or wanted to. A myriad of ubiquity in maps, apps, and games is worthless if your teenage son can get addicted to porn on the very same devices. No father alive wants his son lost without a map, broke without a bank card, and stranded without a ride share. But those same fathers should want to have their sons walk the long way home, both ways, up hill, in the snow, if it meant they could never see a pair of tits on anything but the girl they were marrying.

These screens didn’t need to come with these kinds of costs, but do. because rope is useful and harmless until its used for evil, then it can never be not a means to imprisonment. Maybe one fine day in the golden age of the cellular phone, that rope could only be used for climbing up mountains and keeping the kayak tied to the roof of the car. Now it’s only a subtle means to keep you on the phone for everything you do. Including the way you find yourself staring at tits.

Until a smartphone comes out that can, just as methodically, keep you away from porn as it does a paper map, you should be suspect about its motives and capabilities. The same way you should be if a man in a trench coat enters your bank right behind you.

Which is why, by the common grace of God, CTRL+SHIFT+N brings you to one. At least in the Chrome Browser. Let it remind you every time you see it of the convenient situation you’re actually in.